God told me to come out of my comfort zone and I almost did something crazy and completely outside of his will. I almost let my flesh taint the assignment God had for me. I Nearly let my spirit submit to worldly self-glorification because I thought God's definition of self love looked like society's self-love. I had the thought "God said come out of comfort. He said stepping out will will build your confidence. This must be the step in the right direction." Boah, I was wrong. He said move... but not like that.
for months, I have been working on how faithful and trusting I am of God. I have trusted him through all of the No's. I have trusted him with cents in my wallet. I have trusted him when I had all other options in front of me. Through the best days up till this very moment, I have that trust. I have faith that his will is SOLID. I have faith that the place he has for me DOES exist. I've stepped out on faith with the desire to be obedient over these past months and it has been transforming. But, this has been the biggest challenge of my Twenty-two years thus far. This journey started from exhaustion and confusion. I understood that I had pain that only God could bring me out of. I sought him for healing, never for lessons.
When God started to tell me to do CRAZY things all for others to witness his glory, I was freaked out. I felt awkward doing random acts of Kindness that resulted in me telling others that God sees them and desires for them to love him. I felt awkward giving out things that I did not have the disposable income to afford. Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." So nonetheless, I followed through because I trust and have faith in him.
Through this trust and faith, a confidence that I never knew I could possess has emerged. I cannot pinpoint when this confidence was established, but I know exactly where it lies. This journey of regaining my confidence threw me into a season of abandoning the importance of my outward appearance and prioritizing the person I truly am. I am more confident in my opinions, my compassion, my serving, and my spirit. BUT, I also desire to be confident in my looks. This is something we all desire. Insecurity in one area can limit how we view ourselves, so although you are confident in who you are, you still need be confident in how you look. I believe having confidence in your appearance is equally important as being confident in your character. one should not outweigh the other. Holistic confidence is an important matter and during this season of my life I want to experience it, but I know I need to be still and keep God's will close.
Despite what I know, I still allowed my feelings to lead me to a decision based on insecurity and not on the love and wisdom that God has given me. I related physical confidence with sex appeal, because that is what the world says. The world says expose yourself to showcase how confident you are. The world says the more desirable looks you get, the more confident you will feel. So I constructed a plan to do just that, however my spirit felt hesitant to commit. I dismissed this apprehension as mear nervousness. I mean we all are nervous about doing things outside of our comfort zones, right? but as I do with most big decisions that I make, I weighed the benefits of this move I was planning. As I did this, I could not pinpoint a legitimate WHY. Sure, I knew this was about confidence, but I could not see why this move was better than any other options. Yes, it was out of my comfort zone and would allow me to move more confidently, however I am learning how to compare things to God's standard and not my own.
As I contemplated my decision and considered God's perspective I realized this move would surely involve glory, exposure, and magnitude. However all of these things were centered around myself and not God at all and since I am learning to rely on his understanding and not my own I had to be honest with myself. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God—what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect."
I heard God clearly, but attempted to execute the move with worldly measures. It was disappointing realizing that I naturally move that way after I have been so invested in gaining his wisdom. Despite that disappointment, I am so grateful that I was able to recognize my short comings before doing something outside of God's will.
We tend to view all our desires as good because that is how human nature works. But as you grow in Christs, your perspective on several measures changes and that's truly a good thing. God wants us to be bold. He wants us to step out of comfort. He wants us to be confident. We just have to be more mindful about our desires and how to move in God's realm.
When you feel a pull to do something bold and out of the norm for yourself, I challenge you to check that urge with these following questions
1. Does this action bring glory to God or does it Glorify yourself? God calls us out of our comfort zone to expand our own faith and the faith of others. Our boldness has the intent of drawing people closer to God through vulnerability and exposure. If this act of boldness only exposes some part of you that has no relation to God, then you may need to check where this desire is rooted.
2. Does this action seem too big for you? God has destined us to do things that are bigger than ourselves and of course that make us nervous. we just have to remember that sometimes our apprehension could be a sign for you to analyze the root of your decision a little more closely.
3. Is this action perspective changing for those watching? every decision we make does not have to impact everyone around us, so no this question does not apply to every little thing. However, if we are making big bold moves, someone else is bound to be impacted. will this impact ruin a witness or will it expose them to fruitful things such as compassion, patience, and wisdom. Having the opportunity to change someone's perspective on a matter is great, we just need to be mindful of what we are endorsing.